January 31, 2009

The BoogeyMan IS Real...

... Not Hollywood's glamorous, win an Oscar for special effects type, but the boogeyman who lays dormant in the closet of your mind waiting to escape when you're vulnerable and idle. All your fears, desires, hopes etc. waiting to manifest into some story line within your dreams that you can't escape unless the alarm clock sounds, the phone rings or whatever else saves you from the labyrinth of that other world.

I've had so many dreams in full color, fantastic audio, complete with taste and smell that I really dread going to sleep most nights. My dreams are ALWAYS of the following:

Walking into a huge house (usually a dream home that i've imagined for myself while awake). What I see first is my bedroom. The bed is lofty and I have to climb about four steps to get there...king sized and sitting in front of a HUGE picture window. The rest of the house is sunny and bright but empty, sparsely furnished, walls often painted in pastels. BUT...I always hear other people in the house and can never see them...all of a sudden theres hundreds of folks outside, inside...children running around. There's always a motherly voice that tells me to hurry up and leave that place because it wouldn't be good if stayed. A bell tolls...and I wake up! I get this all the time.

Another type:

Dreaming about people who have passed away and I never knew them, only to catch the news via t.v. or someone who knew someone about this person in my dream passed away, tragic or otherwise. They sit and talk to me and when its time for me to go...they beg me to stay. What frightens me is...what if I agree to stay? Does that mean I'll die?

Another type:

Dreaming about running from the unimaginable. Horrid, ugly little things that give chase and won't stop until im caught or wake up. The urgency, panic, struggle to get away is so damn tangible. I can taste the fear. ((((brrrr))))

The Last type:

Dreaming of Tsunamis. Being consumed by water. Orbs that hover and move across the sky...some that fall. Stars that have settled on the ocean...shit like that!

Now I hope you all don't think i'm crazy...but WTF. I wonder...if you die in your sleep while dreaming..does that experience play over and over for all eternity or do the lights just go out. I know everyone has questions like that in some form or fashion. Another blogger I follow made me revisit my preoccupation with this subject so I couldn't help it...lol.

Has anyone else had recurring dreams they can't shake....or a dream of such profundity it can never be forgotten? Do tell!
Peace & Love

January 30, 2009

Much Too Cold For This!

Snow...snow go away, come again another day!!! Don't complain though, a little ice and snow isn't going to hurt you. Especially if you were born and raised in New England. I'll tell you what, its a lot better than sliding down a hill onto the highway, or getting washed out to sea. That's right people count your blessings...for every trivial complaint you make, someone else is suffering a thousand times more. I mean, doesn't another persons tragedy put your life in perspective somehow? Very few people realize that what truly makes you rich is nothing monetary at all, but having friends(even if its just one), family that love you, your health(with an exception of the occasional cold) and the blessing of being able to awaken from sleep, get out bed and stand on your own two feet is absolutely priceless? So what if it snowed last night, the roads are icy and you might be late to work...Just GET THE FUCK UP, thank whatever Deities work in your life and keep it moving!

Im not in a bad mood...just looking in the mirror and checking for self!

I really wish Mista would get off this damn Xbox and put some shelves up, clean out a closet, or just make me a sandwich...but I won't say anything 'cause i'm not into emasculation....right now..LOL. Before I left this morning he shaved his face, gave me a kiss and I just wanted to smack him. How dare he look so good, making my annoyances with him dissipate. I guess thats kind of shallow huh? "damn sweetie you're kinda cute today..." No.NO!!! "shake that shit off..square your shoulders...arch your right eyebrow...you have NOT been affected by this".

Unfortunately, I need to cut this short...lunch is around the corner and I like to hit the stores, regret my purchases and smile sweetly to myself for sneaking them into the house while behaving like these items have always been there. Well...thats unless its something for the house...and even then I really don't care...Every Friday is a "PAY ME FIRST" holiday.

Peace and Love

January 28, 2009


What is privacy anyway? There's no such thing anymore. Google maps (aka) homeland security lets you put in someones home address and via satellite you can damn near walk up on the porch and ring the bell. Oh well its the world we live in...or should I say controlled in.

Alright...I was TOO upset when Mista had the nerve to tell me with stank attitude that he read my blog. Now I know it was my fault for leaving it open but he does know that this laptop is MINE.as in "dont touch unless you ask me first". When I asked him why he read it, he said "well it was open so i just decided to check it out"...but that doesn't mean its ok to take a seat, relax and just go to it. I'm sorry but for EVERYTHING i share with Mista and lil man, I need to have something to myself, even if its several paragraphs of ranting and complaining somewhere..its MY CORNER OF THE WORLD DAMN IT!!! So I change the name slightly and told him I stopped blogging since its absolutely futile to sneak away.

Now he's on the couch while im over here sneaking a few lines in. "oh hi sweety, who me...oh nothing just looking through Craigs List"....uggghhh! "would you mind going outside and digging a ditch or SOMETHING"!!!! I'm pretty hard on Mista but several blogs later i'll reveal why.

Peace and Love

January 27, 2009

Attack Of The Little People

Today I was a chaperon at lil man's school for a field trip to the Museum of Science. He was so excited that mommy was coming to hang out. I was assigned three other children and we were sent on our way to explore all things great and wonderful! Um....NOT...please tell me how much fun can a class full of 4 year olds have at this place? There were some things they were able to get down with but every few minutes I would get the occasional "im bored".."when are we leaving"..."can we eeeeeaaatttteeee"!

I had fun but it got to be a bit of a chore 'cause my mommy thang kicked in and cleaning another kids booger face is NOT the move. Breaking up push and shove matches was challenging 'cause I just wanted to tell the other kid to "get off my boy" even though I knew damn well lil man started the whole thing. HA!

So after all the hoopla it was time for lunch, which took entirely too long. I had to take lil man to the bathroom and sneak him a bite of his granola bar. You know you can't break out food in front of the other kids...the puppy dog eyes would have had me walking like a zombie to the food court for them. Well after they were settled and eating...I had to sneak to the food court for something fried and under five dollars...all the while walking back to the spot reeeeallll slow so lil man wouldn't ask me for any. Horrible I know but he gets EVERYTHING I got...surely I can horde my box of cholesterol and ketchup.

After lunch it was a wrap. We headed back to school where lil man and I said our good-byes and hopped the train home. When I got home to check my email, i hear this low "hmmmph" behind me. Mista let me know he read my blog.........grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. More on THAT later.

Peace & Love

January 26, 2009

No It Didnt!!

You know...Boston is a cold, racist place. These folks don't mind giving you their ass to kiss! I'm sitting here perusing Craigs List ( I AM addicted) in the rants and raves section, mouth wide open because I still can't believe the anonymous bravado of the masses. Amazing how black folks are still viewed in the ugliest ways by folks who are seemingly kind while sitting next to you on the train but can't wait to wash the "gorilla" juice off of them 'cause you sat too damn close. I really try to keep from re-posting with the same hateful banter but I refuse to give them the stereotypical animosity they expect.
Case in point:
I was driving my big, black SUV, who my cuz has named the "Grave Digga"...with Mother, son and bff along for the ride. I'm sitting at a red light and ready to take the right on it when a pedestrian starts to cross. I decided to let him cross since it IS the law, when all of a sudden I hear someone blowing the horn behind me like a mad person. So I start to pull off when this maniacal cabby tries to rush up along the passenger side of my truck where my mother was sitting. Next thing i know theres a gush of cold air coming in the car and my mothers head is out the window like a puppy dog happy to be ridin shot gun! Next thing I hear is..
....Um yeah, I stopped right there...the words echoing in my ears along with my Mothers profanity ricocheting off the dashboard, doors and finally out the window and straight into the face of a clearly drunken old hag who hated her job and probably her whole existence. When she noticed my car screech to a halt...so did she...and i'm sure she was silently praying for the light to change. My plan was to ignore her while pissing her off further but nope...gangsta moms wasn't having it! So all the way home my mother instructs me on how to call this episode into the Boston Hackney division blah blah blah...im like "look, it was enough for her to think a bunch of heavy hittin "eggplants"(had NO idea this word was used to describe us) were gonna jump out the back and mash her, so I'll leave her lively hood alone. Again...not wanting to give into the stereotype. I must say people...its incredibly hard to keep your composure when folks come out of their mouths with that nonsense.

Anyway, Obama is all up and through the white house, in all his sexy azz swagga...its just too bad that kind of ignorance is still a beast rearing its ugly head!
Peace and love yall!

The Witching Hour...

...Or so I'm told. It's after 3am and I'm STILL up. New to this blogging thing but I've given up trying to talk to family or friends about all that concerns me. I think this is the best way to get stuff off my chest. Like...my son's father who i'll call "Mista", is up as well...playing video games...(evil side glance at his ass). "Please turn off all my damn lights...or hand me a check to pay the bill". The economy is kicking my butt (yes I know...join the club) but just speaking on my household, the shit is tight.

So...early to rise by 6am making sure my work clock doesn't stop while checking the other wrist to make sure my lil man (4 yrs going on 40) is up and out of here for school. Love him I do, but I can't wait to drop him off so I can plan my hustle for the day. I'm doing it all alone too. Mista is here but since he know "Mama Gon Work It Out" he's not as stressed. "Um Jesus please help me refrain from buying that gun I need"...lol. anyway that felt good to let go. Good Morning