February 25, 2009

Ex Won't Mark The Spot

Hello folks! Its been about a week or so and I’ve been caught up in someone elses drama as usual. I have to cut this shit out. I have my own issues to deal with, yet I’m always sought after for advice and opinion. I guess I should be flattered that folks feel like they can trust me with their deep, dark secrets. Funny but when I need to spaz out...I either keep it to myself, ride in my truck with my music blasting me out of the atmosphere or let it go right here, whispering to the mind, body and souls of the anonymous.


My ex hubby and I are the best of friends. How does Mista feel about this you ask? He’s cool with it because I never hid anything from him. I was actually still married to my ex when I met Mista. Unfortunately we stopped being married in the traditional sense for about two years before our divorce, I was hella lonely…he was doing his own thing and when I wasn't looking, that sweet newbie love I spoke of before swept me away.

So me and the ex were best buds even during our court date. We were the only couple in the room holding hands, flirting and choking back our laughter which made the judge ask if we were absolutely sure we wanted to get the divorce. In unison we were like “yeah”!! I got to keep my last name “cause I worked TOO hard for it…your honor” (said in my best tina “angela bassett” turner voice). Every day since then, well over ten years ago, we’ve stayed in touch. We didn’t speak EVERYDAY but we never lost touch. In that time his nephew was killed in a motorcycle accident leaving behind two children. I went to the house and the funeral to pay my respects and his family was so very kind. It was as if I never left. His girlfriend was just as gracious and welcoming but he’s mentioned to me before that she was jealous of my ghost and often feared he and I would reconcile.Never that. Once I’m done…I’m done.

Mista, my ex and I hang out a little…well the ex would come over for a drink every now and again, we’d talk for a while then call it night. I get the occasional questions from Mista…”so if you had a chance to get back would you”? Or “I can tell he still loves you”

I try not to let those inquiries bother me 'cause I STILL believe him when he says he's cool with the friendship.

My ex calls me one day to tell me he’s not happy with his current girlfriend, he’s seeing someone else on the side and he’s absolutely miserable. I gave him my opinion on all the details he gave me about the mistress, the pros and cons and the whole “don’t leave your current girl for that newbie love and its gonna end soon” speech. Of course it took something drastic on her part to make him see the light so now he has to decide if he still wants to be with his current girl. He and the current girl had a knock down drag out, she bit him on the arm after the smack that drew blood, he left and spent the night out…she drank herself into a coma, called him the next day to say “get your shit” then bawled a river to convince him to stay and NOW…………she’s in the hospital. She had an aneurysm a few years back. According to him, she smokes cigarettes, and is a heavy drinker.

The love I have for him on the friend level has me begging to tell the doctors all he knows about her condition cause she is a walking time bomb. I dread the thought of him calling me to say she has expired. I really don’t think I could take something like that. Though it would be no love loss between her and I, my heart would bleed for his loss. I think I should chill out with all my advice giving in regard to his life. After all…it is HIS life. Is it disrespectful to my man to still have this friendship with my ex, even though we are all cool? I just can’t stand to keep a secret. To have to tiptoe around with clandestine conversations is so juvenile. Perhaps I should ask the question of myself. Could I deal with my man’s ex calling, and visiting on the regular? Gotta get back to you on that one.


Have you ever broken off a romantic relationship and kept the friendship, whether you were with someone or not?

Peace & Love Yall!


  1. oh lawd...this story is even funnier written down!

  2. Dana-I loved that "my Tina Angela Bassett Turner voice" the song "you better be good to me" still can make my eyes water every know and then! It is amazing how the web can synchronize peoples thoughts and lives-yesterday out of the clear blue sky an 'X' that I had hopefully and happily had forgotten about me called and wants to get back together-uggh i have not returned the call -dont know what to do. But this reminded my that I have an 'X' who lives in another state that I still love (in the friendship way)and I cherish this person still-I so wish it was him and not the other:-) and in the midst of this I am still involved with Nando (I know I must sound like I 'get around' but including Nando I have been in 4 -5 if you really stretch meaning of relationship in my life and I am 43-almost 44 in late March-don't know if this is good or bad-great post as always and best to you!

  3. Devin - Thanks for visiting...glad to hear from you as always. 4-5 at 43 is pretty good...lol but judging you...i'm not. So are you saying you wish your ex was with you now instead of who's current?

    Sha - you know its only funny when it reads like a saga!


ok...let me have it!