February 1, 2009

For The Sake Of the Children.

I never could quite grasp the concept of “staying in a relationship” for the sake of the Children. No matter how toxic the union, bitter the conversations…are two people who have outgrown one another for whatever reason, doomed to stay locked in negative co-habitation until the children say “screw you both” obligated to remain? Before my lil man came into this world, I thought…HELL NO!!! How miserable must that be? Well my son seems like the superglue holding the last shreds of what Mista and I used to be.
I think he stays not because he still loves me but because he feels I may “poison” our son against him and his staying around insures he’ll be raised correctly because there’s a man around. Ok…so I DON’T subscribe to this at all. I’m sure our son can feel the daily tension between us, the lack of affection and strained conversation. What tears my heart out is his awareness of things and his knowing little heart that makes his mouth utter a truce, demanding that we be friends.

I’ve asked Mista to leave because our misery is infectious. I have no desire to keep him away from our son, nor do I plan to poison his little mind with negative thoughts about his father. Mista is intent on staying and “working it out” but damn…at what cost?

There are times when we are friendly and civil to one another, a glimmer of hope shines through our uncertainty and we forget that we hate each other. It isn’t until our son asks for something, or discipline is in order that we have the ultimate fall out. Our ideology about raising our son and everything in between is at least sixty percent of the problem.

Right now I’m at a Super Bowl party at his mother’s house. We had a falling out before we left so he’s not speaking to me. I’m incredibly uncomfortable because it’s HIS family here and I have to put on a face. Again we are here because of my son, so he can see his other cousins and have a good time. Sucks for me! I’ve been asked…”why don’t you just leave…tell him to go” etc. I’m sure I will at some point and I think I’m just dragging my feet about it because I just don’t want to be alone.


  1. I so love it when people write honest and heartfelt posts like this one! best to you always!

  2. Devin - Thank you so much for visiting. I absolutely love your blog, as it contains almost EVERYTHING im totally into...lol. Thanks for sending your best and please stop by again!!

  3. My father left my mother around the same age as your son, and I can honestly say I never once thought about it. I'm sure it was very real at the time it happened, but I quickly forgot about it and focused on being happy living with my mother. To the point that I even forgot who my father was. It helps that he never came around even once when I was growing up.

    Your son will be lucky, at least, becuase even if you kick him out, his father will still be in his life.

    4 year olds are resilient. As long as you're there for him, Dana, he's strong enough to weather any breakup. Trust me.

  4. OMG!!! Why did I miss this?? I will kick you for trying to not share with me because I'm knocked up!

    Aww...DANA! **BIG HUG** Sorry boo-- wish I could make it all better. Or send stupid men to an island and we mommy Jade together, ha!

  5. David - raised without your dad eh...and from what i've read so far about your life, mom did a pretty damn good job!!! i have a feeling my son will be wiping his brow when its finally over. At four he understands everything to the point where he tries to comfort me and placate dad...amazing. Thanks for the words of encouragement!

    Sha - you know the drill girl! Ill take that offer to mommy jade cause i dont think it will happen for me and mista again and it will take another 6-10 years to build with someone else to go half on a baby. LOL...im still smiling though! Thank God for you!


ok...let me have it!